...where am I ?.....

Ever wake up somewhere (other than home) and lie there for a minute trying to figure out where you are? That's where I am, only I'm wide awake.

I sat in a restaurant tonight, by the window. As others around me carried on conversation, I found myself gazing out over the parking lot and beyond to the trees. Raindrops caused the slightest movement over the scene. Sounds and activity around me faded into the background as my mind and my heart wandered to another place and I considered my life..... As you wake up in your unfamiliar place, you're not afraid, not uncomfortable, just a bit unsure. You pause as you gather your thoughts around you to make sense of your present situation. Yep. Pretty much there.

See, I'm the "ducks in a row" kinda gal. And to get my ducks in a row (and keep them there), I have to be able to see and understand a bit of the future. As I gaze to places ahead of me, the view is a bit hazy. There seems to be no danger. Peril isn't necessarily a concern, but still, the path is concealed, the next step unclear. There's no panic involved, no frenzy, just caution. It's sort of like walking out onto a frozen pond that, you've been assured, is solid ice and will hold your weight. Still you move ahead carefully, unfamiliar with what might be ahead. Then you look by your side and the owner of the pond is walking with you, completely confident. HIS ducks are certainly in a row. In fact He's got my ducks under control as well.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

"And I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free! His eye is on the sparrow and I KNOW He watches me!"

...weary....in, well.......doing!.....

"weary in well doing" What does that even mean? Okay, so I KNOW when I'm weary. Got that part. I understand when my body rebels, my mind shuts down and nothing motivates me. I'm weary, tired, exhausted possibly. Weary. Yes.

I believe the concept of "doing" is pretty self-explanatory. It's an action, a movement, an accomplishing of some task or responsibility. Do. Doing. Done. Got it. Did it.

So that leaves us "well." Well, well, well.....no, not that. It's not referring to the state of my health. It's not a deep hole for gathering water. Nope. This "well" is a bit more subjective. Unfortunately evaluating this "well" is personal, it's individual. It is affected by my moods, attitudes or opinions. It's a very mental thing where the evaluation of how well can be as different as the person evaluating. As a Christian, I want to be able to say I'm "weary in well doing" for that indicates I am doing something well, or the action of doing it is well done (not to be confused with a rib-eye). If it truly is "well done", then it is something God has chosen for me to do, something for which He has given me strength, wisdom or ability. Or so I hope. I hope, but....not all "good" things, or activities, or even ministries are mine to do.

I have a Swiffer mop. Not the wet-jet that squirts liquid out to clean with. This is the kind that you tuck the pad around the surface at the end of the pole and slide it across the floor to get the dirt up. Now. If I used a new pad on the kitchen floor (where it worked well) and then went to the entryway with the same pad (where it began to dry out a little), then went on to the bathroom (where it was just putting more dirt down than it was picking up), then headed to the other bathroom.....get the idea? Is that using it well? Or say I pulled a rubber band out of my desk drawer to put around a bunch of pencils. Super job! So then I used it around some index cards. Excellent. So I bound some books with it. Umm.....then I tried to use it as a dog leash....you get the picture. The rubber band will be fine until I try to stretch it so far that it finally breaks. Is that using it well?

Sometimes our work is God's business. Tasks to which He has called us and strengthened us. Tasks that are difficult and finally we begin to be weary in this work He has given us. It's hard to serve the Lord. He knows that. That's why He tells us not to become weary.

But then sometimes we are just in "busyness" for God. Doing good things. Helping people. Following opportunities that present themselves. But, perhaps stretching ourselves too thin, using ourselves up beyond what we can do well.

How do we know? How can we tell where we are to serve? When are we supposed to let someone else step in and serve instead of us? Relationship, baby! The closer we are to Him, the clearer the whisperings (leadings) of the Holy Spirit are to our hearts. We just know. And we must follow. Is it time to step back? Spend some time with Him as He helps me re-evaluate my activities in life? Where would He have me be involved?

Am I "weary in well doing" or just weary because I'm trying to do everything there is to do? He knows. He will show me. I will "do well" to listen.......

My plan/His plan

OK. So tomorrow, my baby (She turns 21 next week.) leaves for Washington state. She is driving alone. I SO wanted Jeff to go with her and then fly back. SO wanted that to happen. Then, the Lord said to me, "So you're willing to trust Jeff with her safety, but you're not okay if I go with her."......Oh. Well....."Or perhaps you're not comfortable with the plan I have in place for her trip." Ummm........I really wasn't looking at it like that.......you have a plan? "Of course, it may cause her some discomfort." Discomfort? "But she will learn of me. I will reveal Myself to her." Discomfort? What kind of discomfort? Is this necessary? "She must need me before she will understand my place in her life." Yes, but......I don't want her to have pain. "Pain? Like the pain I suffered for her sake on the cross?" Well...okay. So her pain would have a purpose? To bring her closer to you? "Always, my plans have a purpose. Always it is my desire to bring my children closer to me." So her temporary discomfort would ultimately bring comfort, joy, peace.....I get it. You love her, don't you? "With an everlasting commitment that you will never understand." Take care of my baby, Lord.

FAITH (Freedom As I Trust Him)

Life is interesting. My last post was 3 months ago. Today I feel a need to put down a few thoughts concerning handling of certain situations the Lord has allowed in my life. As I read my previous blog, my own words jump out to smack me, or to caress me, but definitely to admonish and remind me of my position with Jehovah.

I was thinking of faith today. So many years I looked at faith as mainly exercised in the area of financial or material need. I have faith that the Lord will provide. Very true. But my faith should extend so much farther and encompass so much more of life. Every issue or circumstance or situation that draws my stomach into a knot is a place for faith to step in. When I just can't go on do I trust that He can also meet my emotional needs? When wisdom is scarce, will He come to my aid with the answers that seem to escape me? When I face a temptation that I just cannot defeat, is it His strength that I am lacking? How do we exercise faith at these moments?

When I had my second child, a daughter, my mom came to help me at home as I returned from the hospital. The second night home, Joy was not to be comforted. She cried and she fussed and when I thought I had finally gotten her to sleep and tried to lay her down, she would wake up wailing once again. Finally, I took her to my mom. And said, "Take her I don't know what else to do. I can't do this anymore."

I think this is what the Lord wants us to do with our burdens right away. Hand them over. Let Him work. Realize He can handle it much better than we can, and He wants to. Instead of struggling alone or trying to find our own solutions, faith in Him who loves us brings us immediately to His feet, with an upturned face, pleading for His help, guidance, answers, strength, provision. His is our Abba Father. He wants to "be there for us." We need only to relax, unfold our arms, unclench our hands and let go..........

legal representation

So today, Jeff contacted a lawyer. Circumstances have forced this step. Never imagined myself in this particular situation. But, come to think of it, there have been quite a few times that the Lord has lead me to unimaginable situations. It would seem, for me at least, that just about the time life settles itself around me in comfortable, controllable folds, my caring Savior sees fit to jerk the cloth right out from under me, rearrange its folds and then sit me back down right in the middle. As I catch my breath, settle my heart and survey my surroundings, He stands close by. It is my choice to turn to Him. Or not. I choose to fret, or I choose to trust. I can walk on water with my eyes focused on Him, or I can sink in the waves as I realize I have no control of the forces around me. He stands close by. Always, He stands and waits. Ready. Expectant. Available. Do I rush into His arms to be comforted and protected? Sometimes. In those times I experience His gentle love and I know, without a doubt, life is as it should be and He is in control. My future is secure and the path before me can be traveled with confidence and success. He stands close by.