So, just when I think I've got this humility/servant hood idea all under control, the Lord says, "Not so fast." I cringe, duck and wait for it.......then He throws out a name. I involuntarily flinch. Ugh. She.....I try to put my finger on why my immediate response has been a negative one. Envy, I think. Jealousy. Well, that's pretty ugly. Then He throws out another name. BAM! This person has been mean to me, unnecessarily. I want her to get what's coming to her. Oh. Wow. Another name......Well, she just gets on my nerves. She causes me extra effort...."But I love them," He says to me. "They are hurting. Someone needs to reach out to them." I am obviously not a tool He can use. Just when I thought I loved everybody, thought I was mirroring Him to those around me. I felt I had learned so much and had become such a better tool for Him.....not so much. Instead of "getting my hackles up", "I should be "pouring my heart out." All of a sudden it was about me again. Palm to forehead. Really Lord? How can I miss this so badly? Where do I lose sight of You? When do I step away to do my own thing and hope You join me?
A dear friend shared with me something she was learning in her walk with the Lord. She said, "God comes to us, disguised as life." I had no immediate response. That idea was so far-reaching and deep that I needed a moment to soak it in and discover its implications. That is a profound truth we almost always miss. We like to categorize God and keep Him in a box, on a shelf, whatever, where He is handy to take out and put to use. HOLY SMOKE! Who do I think I am? And yet the great I AM pauses there, beside me, waiting for me to get a clue. He's not working in my life only when I recognize it (Him). He is vitally involved in every aspect and moment of my day. Every interaction, conflict, disappointment and tragedy is at His disposal. He will use anything that touches me FOR MY BENEFIT if I allow Him the freedom.
I think I step away form Him when I label "stuff" as mine or His. Some things I can handle. I want to handle. I don't need His input. I step away in my own power, my own strength, thinking I am capable on my own. At that point, no longer am I mirroring Him, but myself......sorry, friends and strangers. I blow it every day. You do not receive the treatment, encouragement and love you should because I am walking in my own power. But be aware I am drawing closer. I am listening to His voice, I am allowing Him to mold me. I will be a better tool in your life. And I will love you no matter what.
Ouch!! Your blogs lure me by your transparency and then all of a sudden, out of no where...WHAM!! I get a blow of conviction. Great stuff!!
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