He's listening, really listening....

Today, God answered prayer....for me..... well, for someone else, for my benefit, and theirs....whatever. Today He stepped into my world and let me know He is active. He moves. He loves me.

Today was not a wonderful day for me. Actually, because of me. I decided. I stepped away  from what I knew God would have me do, how He would have me be. I loosened the reins on self and gave myself permission to be.....hmmmm.....(Do I want to be honest here, or gloss it over a bit.....)...ok, to be a jerk. (That's honest and a little glossy all in one.) I became "weary in well doing" and threw in the towel. Then I threw in the bathroom sink, the trash can, my toothbrush and anything else I felt like throwing. Then, I kicked it all into the hallway and threw it down the stairs. It was great! And I felt miserable after. See after dealing graciously with life's challenges for a while, I felt it only fair that I should be done. These difficulties should end. I should be relieved. I decided God's time was up. I was done.......and still miserable.

Then, my friend texted to tell me how a situation had changed for her. A specific prayer request had been answered just how we had prayed for it. Then I remembered exactly how I had prayed that day. It went something like this....."Lord, we have prayed about this over and over. I pray, half the time with no expectations. I just pray. I need to know this is real, Father. I need to know you hear me. Please teach me how to talk with You." I don't remember the rest as I finished that day.

I have been a Christian a long time. And that can be a real handicap. How so very often, do I come before the Lord and recite words to Him, and walk away, never expecting to see His miraculous response? And never expect a response at all. Perhaps, being God and all, He sees that in my heart. He knows I pray without conviction, without passion, without hope, without expectations......and He knows I will never even notice if nothing changes......

BUT TODAY He showed His might to me. He reminded me that He is actively involved in my life. Every part of it. Even when I act like a brat, have a tantrum and pout. O man. Will I EVER learn? Thank you, Lord for being who You are. And for loving me when I'm being who I am......