He's listening, really listening....

Today, God answered prayer....for me..... well, for someone else, for my benefit, and theirs....whatever. Today He stepped into my world and let me know He is active. He moves. He loves me.

Today was not a wonderful day for me. Actually, because of me. I decided. I stepped away  from what I knew God would have me do, how He would have me be. I loosened the reins on self and gave myself permission to be.....hmmmm.....(Do I want to be honest here, or gloss it over a bit.....)...ok, to be a jerk. (That's honest and a little glossy all in one.) I became "weary in well doing" and threw in the towel. Then I threw in the bathroom sink, the trash can, my toothbrush and anything else I felt like throwing. Then, I kicked it all into the hallway and threw it down the stairs. It was great! And I felt miserable after. See after dealing graciously with life's challenges for a while, I felt it only fair that I should be done. These difficulties should end. I should be relieved. I decided God's time was up. I was done.......and still miserable.

Then, my friend texted to tell me how a situation had changed for her. A specific prayer request had been answered just how we had prayed for it. Then I remembered exactly how I had prayed that day. It went something like this....."Lord, we have prayed about this over and over. I pray, half the time with no expectations. I just pray. I need to know this is real, Father. I need to know you hear me. Please teach me how to talk with You." I don't remember the rest as I finished that day.

I have been a Christian a long time. And that can be a real handicap. How so very often, do I come before the Lord and recite words to Him, and walk away, never expecting to see His miraculous response? And never expect a response at all. Perhaps, being God and all, He sees that in my heart. He knows I pray without conviction, without passion, without hope, without expectations......and He knows I will never even notice if nothing changes......

BUT TODAY He showed His might to me. He reminded me that He is actively involved in my life. Every part of it. Even when I act like a brat, have a tantrum and pout. O man. Will I EVER learn? Thank you, Lord for being who You are. And for loving me when I'm being who I am......

He had a choice, you know....

Christ knew what was coming......He asked for any other path that might spare Him and still accomplish the will of the Father. He had a choice.....

Nevertheless....He was arrested. He was falsely accused. He was tortured. He dragged His own cross through the streets for all to see. He was humiliated and nailed to that cross. Then, His cross was dropped heavily into the ground and He was lifted up in agony and shame, perfect and holy....and alone...because He chose to.....

I have choices. I can choose to forgive and love my enemy. I can choose to be joyful in difficult circumstances. I can choose to be sacrificial with my time and resources. I can choose to not be offended when I am wronged. I can choose to put myself aside and lift up my Savior. I can do this in His strength and because I love Him.

When I think of the choices He made on my behalf and totally for my benefit, I am ashamed. I am ashamed because I am reminded of choices He has put before me that would represent small sacrifices for me. I am ashamed because I choose selfishly. Over and over. Time and time again, my choices have demonstrated my self-love......it breaks my heart....and yet He loves me. It is these choices that required His sacrifice on His cross. For me. I should be willing to do ANYTHING to show Him my love. But it would seem, I choose to show my love only when it is easy, when no sacrifice is involved......Can that really be love? Genuine love?

When I view my life and its difficulties in comparison to the trauma of the cross......well, it's pathetic. I do so little and whine so much....but...Always, His scarred hands reach out to me. Always, He is willing to bring me into the arms He stretched out on that cross and hold me close to the body that was mutilated for me. He loves me beyond my sin.....

Halleluiah! What a Savior!

...discouragement...

In my Christian walk, I find it easy to become discouraged. My discouragement is fertile soil for Satan's attacks. As he plants seeds, picks at me, drapes weights on my back and slaps me around spiritually, I stumble. Sometimes it seems I am stumbling, landing or rising up from a fall more than I am walking in strength and confidence on the path the Lord has laid before me. So, what gives? I know that is not God's plan for His children. His grace provides what I need to live in joy, peace and fulfillment as His child.

As I contemplated this and whined before Him, He (once again) gently helped me look with transparency at my life (usually not a pleasant experience). It would seem, for me, that discouragement comes when I am trying to move forward while looking back over my shoulder. I look back, and long for what has been, what I've lost, what I want that He has moved me past already. My desires. When I do this, it is impossible to see the remarkable life He has spread before me.

If I stand with my arms outstretched, like He did on the cross, I can only look at one hand at a time. I look to my left and see things grasped there that only discourage me. Satan's tools. I focus there, fearful, regretful, sad . OR. I look to my right and I see His loving grace, freedom, purpose. I cannot focus on both hands at once....it is a choice.

In my selfishness and weakness, my attention is drawn to my accomplishments (good or bad), my experiences, and my desires. My goodness. It does not bring me peace, joy, purpose, love. As I kneel before Him and relinquish myself and all my plans, my past, my desires, my weaknesses and fears, He lifts me up with His strength, His love, His wisdom, His humility, His purpose.....it is a choice.

Where do you stand today, my friend? Which direction are you facing? If you are struggling, that is your answer. You are not walking with the Lord....it is a choice.

Jeremiah 29:11...."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

...out of the mouth of babes......and old women....

So, today as I prayed, I heard myself say, "Lord, you are not troubled by my situation....." Hold up. What? did I just say? The Lord encouraged me to hang there for a few minutes..... The Lord ISN'T troubled by my situation. So, what have I to fear? IF He is in control, IF He is all-powerful, IF He is all-knowing, IF His grace reaches past my salvation and straight into my Christian walk, IF He loves me beyond what I can understand, then I HAVE nothing to fear. Nothing to be troubled about.

Holy Smoke and Hallelujah!

"When fears are stilled, when strivings cease,
My comforter, my all in all!
Here in the Love of Christ I stand!"

It's not on me! It's on Him! And He begs daily for me to just hand it over and relax, quit "striving" to make things work, to figure it out. Oh. So much wasted effort. So many hours of anguish and worry. Christ will guard my heart (emotions) and mind (intellect) and give me peace (Phil. 4:7) HE will do it. I don't have to work up peace for myself. I don't have to "fix" my life so I can be more peaceful. I must not let my heart be trouble, but believe in Jesus (John 14:1) and let Him do the work He desires to do in my life.

As so often, it comes down to a choice. Will I trust Him? Will I give my life to His control and not second guess Him, let Him work? Or do I prefer my present situation.......

Here ya go, Lord. See what you can do with this mess. I'm done.